he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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