Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
