Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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