Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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