If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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