he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
