What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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