your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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