What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
