Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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