oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
