You smell like stripper and shame
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
