Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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