No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
