By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
