she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
