Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
