the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
