Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
