dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
