He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
