I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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