if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
