just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
