operation harelip BJ is a go
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A+ Viking dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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