I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
