I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
