That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
