You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
