you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
