yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize