bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She has the best kind of daddy issues
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
