weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
