bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
