dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
