Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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(325): View more from Texas

just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.

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(905): View more from Ontario

gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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(251): View more from Alabama

Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

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(519): View more from Ontario

You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

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(916): View more from California

Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays

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(305): View more from Florida

i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook

(305): View more from Florida

i gave in

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