get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
