I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
