dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize