I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
