I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
