I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
