Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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