Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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