There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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