I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
