I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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