Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
