I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize