the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
