im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
