he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
