We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
