Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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