I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
