tell your sister to shave her snatch
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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