Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
