I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
