I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
