So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
